That’s it, FreshDirect; we are broken up for the rest of the day.

Earlier this month, I ordered two dozen eggs. What I got was twenty eggs and four wee gooey messes. But hey, they’re eggs. It happens. I emailed them and they credited me the cost of the eggs.

This week, I ordered a half-gallon of lactose-free milk. What I got was lactose-free curds and whey. Had I not been putting chocolate syrup into the milk, and watching as I stirred it around, I probably would have just handed the cup to my kid and said, here you go, drink up. I cringe to think of what could have happened after that.

I don’t care how long you’ve been a parent and/or how many kids you have — cleaning spoiled milk kid-barf off your floor, your bed, or [shudder] yourself, is fucking disgusting.

You’re keeping a placid, soothing exterior to calm and tend to your kid, but on the inside you’re going, oh my sweet baby jesus in heaven this is so unbelievably freakin’ foul. how can one child vomit so much? how is it possible? oh god oh god oh god this is so gross. i’m going to need like, eight showers after this just to get the goddamned puke smell out of my nose.

Let me tell you, had I not noticed the milk had turned, and the inevitable kid-barf ensued, I’m pretty sure I would have cleaned up, packed up, and hopped on a train to LIC, so I could pop into the FreshDirect office, where I would surely punch someone in the neck.

You better watch it, FD. I’m small, but I am freakin’ scrappy.

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7 thoughts on “That’s it, FreshDirect; we are broken up for the rest of the day.

  1. The best is yet to come — Just wait until they start forgetting the meat items (we’re talking, ALL of the meat I ordered!). That’s happen to me several times!

  2. Ugh, really? It was bad enough I needed to go out and just grab some milk; I can’t imagine needing to go out and pick up a week’s worth of meat I’d planned on eating.

  3. I have been hearing more and more FD horror stories in the last couple months (though I still generally weep with jealousy that you have FreshDirect to complain about). Okay, minor horrors like deliveries at 1am and out-of-whack quantities for the one-click recipes, but enough that they must be hitting some growing pains.

  4. Stop by here on your way, and I’ll get your back… I’m still pissed at them for showing up 2 hours past the delivery window, not calling about it.

    I should mention, I LIVE in Long Island City and their claim was that the driver was “lost.” If I can see your offensively bright sign out my living room window, I shouldn’t have to give you driving directions to my apartment!.

  5. Okay, it was midnight. It’s from a private-ish Yahoo list so I have no link but here’s the story:

    They were supposed to deliver last night between 8-10 pm. At 10:15
    we got an automated phone message saying they were running “an hour
    late.” I called customer service and they offered to redeliver
    between 8-10 the next day. I said are you sure it’s only an hour
    late, because I’m annoyed but I’ll stay up and wait, but if it’s
    really 2 hours, no way. They said it will definitely be there by
    11. I got them to waive the delivery fee and said I’ll wait up.

    Skip the part where DH yells at me because *he’s* too tired for this
    stuff and doesn’t want to be awakened by the doorbell at 11 and I
    should have had them redeliver tomorrow.

    I wait up and at 11:15 they’re not here. I call and yell at them
    for a while. Customer service says they’re running another 1/2 hour
    late. I say what can you do for me and she offers me a store
    credit. I say I’ll take that and redelivery tomorrow between 8-10.
    She says, you can’t get redelivery tomorrow. Why? Because now it’s
    after 11 pm and they can’t schedule deliveries for tomorrow this

    Now it’s 11:56 and I’m deep into convo with supervisor. They have
    offered me delivery on Wednesday, $30 in credits, waiving the re-
    stocking fee and a free deliver. I say, that is all fine, but if
    the truck is around the corner, I’ll just take it now since I’m
    still freaking awake. The supervisor calls to loccate the truck and
    the truck is back at the warehouse! He says truckdriver claims he
    tried to phone me at 11:45 and there was no answer (this because I
    was on the phone with Customer service) and therefore they figured I
    didn’t want delivery. I point out that there is such a thing as a
    doorbell which is what delivery people generally use to get the
    attention of someone in a home, and somehow FD has managed to use
    that the previous 50 times I’ve ordered. Customer Service manager
    has no explanation. I also point out that unless they have Harry
    Potter’s broom, there is no way they were at my door in Greenwich
    Village calling me 15 minutes ago and have already arrived back in
    the warehouse in Queens. Customer Service is audibly embarrassed
    because it’s obvious the delivery person was nowhere near my
    apartment, throws in another $15 in credits.

    And then three days later someone else said, “I just thought I would post that it’s midnight, and my FreshDirect delivery scheduled for between 8-10 JUST arrived.”

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