Kristen to Old Man Winter: Drop Dead

I am so fucking tired of winter.

An entire February of cold, grey, depressing days, not even broken up by any real snowfall, has exhausted my patience with winter. Start up the daffodils and robins already, because I am so done with all this wintery shit.

So much so, I went out of my way to cook something without local, seasonal ingredients and instead bought two of my favorite spring vegetables — snow peas and asparagus — from FreshDirect to make this:

hurry up spring pasta II

I call it Hurry The Fuck Up Already Springtime Pasta.

Not an especially inspired name, but it gets the point across.

– 1 bunch (~ 1 pound) asparagus, cut into 0.5 to 1.0 inch lengths
– 8 ounces snow peas, tips snapped off
– 16 ounces campanelle pasta
– 6 ounces cured ham, diced (I used bauernschinken)
– 3 tablespoons olive oil
– 0.5 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1. Bring a large pot of salted water to boil. Add the pasta according to package directions. (While you wait, feel free to eat the extra two ounces of ham you have left from buying a half pound of it. I know I did.) In the last four minutes of cooking, add the asparagus, then add the snow peas in the last two minutes.
2. Drain the pasta and vegetables (reserving a cup of cooking water) and transfer to a serving bowl. Toss with the olive oil, ham, and Parmesan. Add more oil and/or loosen with reserves pasta water if necessary. Season with salt and pepper to taste and serve right away.

hurry up spring pasta

Addendum to parents: If you want your kid to eat this, tell them about asparagus’s fragrant aftereffects, and that the same chemical compound is found in rotten eggs, onions, garlic, and skunk spray. Also, prepare to be asked did you have a stinky pee?! five or six thousand times in the next 24 hours.


  • Kristen

    You know, I read today only some people end up with that asparagus pee smell, and only some can smell it:

    Your genetic makeup may determine whether your urine has the odor — or whether you can actually smell it. Only some people appear to have the gene for the enzyme that breaks down mercaptan into its more pungent parts. A study published in the May 1989 British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology found that 46% of 115 people tested produced the odor in one group of British citizens, while 100% of 103 people produced it in a group of French citizens. The ability to smell the by-products may also be genetic. Another study published in the same journal found that 10% of a group of 300 Israeli Jews could not detect the odor. In other words, a person’s urine could smell, but he or she might not know it.

    Hooray for science!

  • Ethan

    Nice fucking language. ;-)

    (Here in Dallas, we have the opposite problem, especially for us Northern transplants: The cold is gone, never to be experienced again. Maybe in December, but don’t hold your breath.)

  • Terry B

    A lovely dish, beautifully photographed. One thing I love about pasta is that it’s the perfect backdrop to so many improvised dishes like this.

    I also love your obvious understanding of kids!

  • DiWrite

    Or, if you really want to entertain The Kid, you could also tell her that the same property that makes some people have “a stinky pee” makes other people just plain stink. I have to avoid asparagus – it gives me the sweats, and trust me when I say

  • Lisa

    Mmmm, yummy. I’m gonna make that because I’ll pretty much cook any recipe with “fuck” in the title, but also because it looks good. And I’m really played on winter myself.

  • Julie

    I understand your sentiments completely, the picture looks completely delicious, and I want to make this just so I can say that we’re having Hurry The Fuck Up Already Springtime Pasta for dinner.

    This is the part of the year where winter begins feeling really, REALLY endless, as opposed to Februrary when it just felt really endless.