So, there I was, watching SpongeBob with my kid, when there was an ad for The Topsy Turvy™ Tomato Planter! The Upside Down Tomato Planter!
Gee whiz! It’s topsy AND turvy!
I admit it; I was kind of into the idea, thinking about whether or not I could get away with putting one on my fire escape and not have it be a fire hazard… and then in the middle of their sales pitch was the following line:
“Because the Topsy Turvy™ is upside down, water and nutrients pour directly from the root to the fruit, giving you up to 30 pounds of deliciously ripe tomatoes per plant!”
To paraphrase Morbo the news monster:
TOMATO PLANTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!
Fine. Maybe the excess water spills out of the bottom of the pot and onto the leaves. I know my high school biology classes are many many years behind me, but even I know nutrients do not “pour directly” into a tomato just because you’ve hung it upside down, sort of like how one doesn’t spontaneously vomit from standing on one’s head.
Science, people! Simple science! Embrace it, for it is your friend!