Congratulations on making it through yet another winter with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD™)! To make your experience even more SAD™ next year, let’s review our list of DOs and DON’Ts:
- DO stay awake at night thinking of all the things you meant to get done that day but somehow didn’t manage to do. Lying in bed at 3 a.m. is also the perfect opportunity for any of the following: remembering embarrassing things that happened to you in high school, making lists in your head of all the ways you are like a cat, mentally composing blog posts that you will never write down.
- DON’T assume people still like you! Just because they’ve never said an unkind word to you in the entire time you’ve known them or given any indication that they are upset with you, that last email they sent casts doubt over everything. If they didn’t now actively hate you, why would they take an entire day to reply to you, huh? And why put a :) in there if they weren’t thinking, wow, you’re a total bitch?
- DO get deeply offended every time someone tells you, “yeah, I hate winter too.” Some people are just assholes to even to try to relate to you like that.
- DON’T avoid social media: it’s your fast-track to self-loathing! You’re not on an expensive vacation from your lucrative job, are you? ARE YOU? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
- DO get irrationally infuriated by, oh, I don’t know, everything. Your manicure chipped, your phone’s about to die (because you forgot to plug it in), the super still hasn’t fixed that leak… the best course of action is to have absolutely zero perspective on these things and spend the afternoon in a white-hot fury. Scream at the cat. Pick a fight with someone on Facebook. Who cares?!
- DON’T tell anyone you are having a rough time lately! You don’t need their help/pity and who are they to know your private business anyway? Man, screw them.
- DO turn your back on things you like to do! If there’s something you used to enjoy doing, perhaps going outdoors or writing blog posts, or anything makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something, you should put that off for as long as possible. Maybe for months even. You can think about doing these things (again, thinking about it instead of sleeping is suggested), but for fuck’s sake, don’t just do stuff.
And finally, remember it’s just 258 more days until next winter! :D